Being adopted...

Okay. So you may or may not know that I'm adopted. I was adopted at 3 months old. For the first 3 months of my life, I lived in a foster home until my adoption was final. Recently, more people that I'm close with here in Gulfport have found out that I was adopted and began asking questions which is totally okay. I realize that for someone that isn't adopted it's kind of difficult to see it from my point of view and to wonder how I feel about it. Well today while I was blog stalking, I came across a blog called christianadoptionservices.blogspot.com, and they posted a list of questions that an adult adoptee had felt about their adoption. I have to say I've never seen this so plain and clear but this is exactly how I felt growing up.

"Questions that crossed a 29 year old adult adoptee’s mind growing up. Take a look at this list and do everything in your power to be able to answer these questions for your child.

1. Does my birthmom miss me?
2. Did she look at me when I was born?
3. Did I mean the world to her?
4. Did she say my name to my face?
5. Was I loved?
6. Did she want me?
7. Did she care?
8. Is she my real birth mom since she doesn’t look like me?
9. Why did she leave me?
10. Why did she keep my siblings instead of me?
11. Lack of money?
12. Did she love my dad?
13. Was I a one night stand?
14. Was it a summer romance?
15. What time was it?
16. Who held her hand?
17. Was I a problem?
18. Am I erased?
19. Was she afraid?
20. Was I quickly taken away?
21. What was the day like?
22. Was it sad?
23. What about my grandparents?"


Now having Harrison and about to have Morgan, I can't imagine giving up my children for anything. I can't imagine seeing their tiny faces and then giving them to someone else. I can't imagine wondering every year on their birthday what they are doing and how they are. I want to be the crazy mom that takes 10,000 prom pictures. I want to be there to see them walk across the stage when they graduate. I want to see them get married and have children of their own. As for my biological mom, she missed all this. She doesn't know me. She knows exactly where I am and how to get in touch with me (because I found her) but she still doesn't. Honestly, it hurts. It hurts a lot and I used to hate her. I hated her until one of my friends told me that it took way more energy to hate her then to just deal with it. I was almost 26 when I found her and now I just tell myself that I didn't need her in my life the first 26 years and I don't need her now. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I was adopted by a great family that is a little dysfuctional but whose family isn't. I know that not all kids are as lucky as me. I was adopted by parents that gave me everything I've ever needed and they still do!

Easter 2011

Hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! It was a busy weekend around our house but thankfully, we have nothing to do today so we are being lazy and having a jammie day! We started off Saturday with an Easter egg hunt. Harrison had one the day before at school so he knew what was going on! He had trouble holding his basket and getting eggs so I had to help him.






Saturday afternoon it was time to dye Easter eggs. Harrison had never dyed eggs before so I invited some friends from church over so he didn't have to do it with just boring mom! He got the hang of it quickly!







On Sunday, I tried to get some pictures of him after church. The wind was blowing so his hair looks funny in most of them, but he is still just as cute!

A Day Out with Thomas

On April 2nd I was in Birmingham and we took Harrison, AJ, and Sarah to see Thomas. The bigger boys were at their dad's house so it gave us a little time to do something that they wouldn't enjoy! I think the kids had fun. We rode on Thomas, we met Sir Tophamm Hatt, we went to the little petting zoo, played in the sand etc. We could've spent all day out there because there was so much to do!














I know I'm biased, but I absolutely love this little girl! She is so smart and beautiful! I'm so glad God blessed us with her. She truly is a blessing...even when she is having one of her days! I hate to say it, but even though I have been away from her for 3 years, she acts a lot like me!

Morgan's Nursery Part 1

Mom, Dad, Katie and the kids came down for the kids' Spring Break and mom and dad got so much done! They moved the kids furniture for me, they painted Morgan's room, replaced blinds, cleaned my house, etc! It was great. I grew up with a house full of people and I have to say I still love having a house full! Here are a few pictures of her room. It's still a work in progress so I'll post again when it's finished!

Where to start????

Well it's been 3 months since I updated this blog. Life has been a little hectic but I do have many posts that I want to catch up on. We are officially over the hump with this deployment meaning we are half way done! Some days it goes by so fast and others it seems to be at a stand still. Ben is still doing well in Spain. We have some major life decisions to make, but that's for another post! I'm 32 weeks prego with Miss Priss and it's still going well. I'm tired and have horrible back pain, but it's still easier than my pregnancy with Harrison! Speaking of Harrison he is doing well. He doesn't like to talk about Morgan so it should be interesting when she gets here to see what he thinks! I decided to have a c-section so we will be scheduling it soon. My next appt is May 6th and I will schedule it then. Somehow I don't think I'll make it that long, but we will have to see! I guess one of the most life changing things that has happened since I last updated is that I lost my job. I was fired and I have to say it was a very humiliating experience. I don't miss the job and the goals or dress code, but I do miss going to work everyday and all the girls! I have been substitute teaching which has allowed me to keep Harrison in school 3 days a week. Hopefully after Morgan is born, I'll start looking for something else. Ideally I would like to work at their school where I would get free daycare and still bring home more than I would have at Navy Federal. We will see if that works out!

Saying Goodbye to 2010

Ben said my last post was really depressing. Sorry about that...just how I felt that day! Harrison and I are making it. We aren't back into a great routine yet, but we are getting there. 2010 was pretty hectic for our little family! Here's the run down:

January- Ben and mine anniversary...3 years! I turned 30.
February- Nothing I really remember.
March- Ben turned 30 and we took our trip to Ireland (PRICELESS!!!)
April- Harrison and I moved back to the states! Also, we became home owners.
May- I started working again and Harrison started daycare.
June- Still trying to get adjusted to living in the states! Harrison turned 18 months.
July- Ben joined us!
August- Took Harrison to Auburn for the first time
September- Found out we were pregnant
October- Ben was gone to FEX for a week.
November- Got to spend Thanksgiving at home for the 1st time in 3 years!
December- Harrison turned 2! Ben deployed! Spent Christmas at home. So much fun to be with our families since living overseas!

2011 will be a special year for our family! We will be adding a new little person and Ben will finally get to come home in August! We are excited to see what else 2011 will bring!

Deployment

Deployment isn't fun! That's just it...no sugar coating it, no pretending it is, it's not! If you saw me out in public, I "appear" to have it together, but most days I don't. Most days a sappy country song I hear on my way to work brings me to tears. Thinking about coming home to an empty house, brings tears. Yes I work a full time job, have a 2 year old, I'm prego, and my husband is deployed! I'm very thankful he isn't somewhere dangerous because I just don't think I could handle that stress of worrying about him too. He's only been gone for 2 weeks. The first month is by far the hardest so that's what I'm waiting on to come and go! Ben left December 10th and won't be back until August. August seems like an eternity! Yes, this baby will be born without him here and no he isn't going to try to take leave. At some point during this deployment, he will be going to Africa so he can't come home. It's kind of sad for this baby. It will all work out! That's what I have to keep telling myself. I'm in Gulfport surrounded by people that love me and are so willing to help me and for that I'm very thankful!

Here are some pictures of Harrison telling dada bye. He didn't understand and still doesn't now. Some days he is mad. Some he is sad. We say our prayer for him every night though. We watch our home videos with dada in them. We listen to the recordable books Ben made for him before he left, but it's still not the same. It's not the same as having him here...





Sorry to vent, but I do feel better! Christmas posts tomorrow. I have to try and get some sleep!